it's not fair.

I have a really hard time with the world as of late. It's not a fair place, it's not a justified place, it's not somewhere I feel I'll ever full understand. Call me cynical, or pessimistic, or negative, or call me whatever the hell you will, but sometimes I don't understand why bad things happen to good people, and vice versa. Not that I really think there's truly evil incarnate out there, but I think a lot of the world is selfish and undeserving in certain circumstances, myself included.

My rent is going up. Honestly, it's not a big increase, and it's not the fact that it's a big increase that has me upset. It's that the landlords cite they're increasing our rent due to property taxes going up as their reason for increasing our rent. Truthfully, I don't know if this is why they chose to increase it, and truthfully, I don't really give a damn. I don't understand how an increase in rent is supposed to be our "reward" for paying our astronomically high rent on time, in full, every month. We take care of their property, so we should pay more? How does that make any sense?

One of the things I seem to be reminded of on a daily basis is the injustice that comes to parents. My best friend had a stillbirth last year, at 40 weeks and 4 days. She is nothing but the kindest, most open, generous person I know. I don't find it fair that she has to endure heartbreak on a minute-to-minute basis when so many times a day, women are getting pregnant who are not capable, nor willing, to provide the basic necessities of life to their unborn children. How does that make any sense?

I see people every day who hope for the greatest of things to come to them, only to continuously complain about the rest of their lives. I'm too broke, I'm deprived of this kind of attention, I don't have this ideal in my life. Whatever happened to being thankful for what you have? Although I'm annoyed by the fact that my rent is going up, or I don't have work lined up for after I'm done maternity leave, or the fact that I seem to be too busy at times to keep my house clean, I'm extremely grateful for the fact that I have a home that can house my family, that I have the skills to gain employment, and that I have all three of my beautiful children to distract me. I'm talking about those people out there who do it to themselves. They get into positions in life fully aware of what the hardships may be, yet when faced with those harships, scream "why me?" How does that make any sense?

I feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life. Like I'm about to turn the corner, and then I'll know what I'm meant to do, now that I've done what I always wanted by having my three children.

But I'm fucking impatient.